Every single morning those are the first two words out of Hanna`s mouth, "I`m not doin nothin".
Really could we just have a "good morning" or "hi, Mom"? I guess not. It is always the same thing and no matter what anyone says to anyone else around here she has to chime in with "it wasn`t me, I didn`t do it, or "I don`t know what you are talking about".
I guess I need to forget about being the cheerful morning mom at least with that kid.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
FAS/TBI
This bit of alphabet soup FAS/TBI is giving my brain a good workout this morning.
The school came up with a plan for kindergarten for Paul and for the most part I agree with it, but I did not sign it because I wanted to take him to his ophthalmologist appointment first since I had some questions that I felt they could answer for me. The questions were answered. The bottom line is that Paul no longer has a vision issue which he did have due to his TBI. These issues in the past have qualified him for services from a low vision teacher. He no longer needs her which is absolutely wonderful, however many of the things that we have been using in this area work very well in dealing with his other issues.
You might think that he is visually impaired because when he watches TV he stands right there in front of it. This is not because he can not see it from a distance it is because he needs to zone in and keep everything else out of the way in order to pay attention on what he is doing.
You may also think that he has a hearing problem, which he does not, it is just that his brain is not able to tell him how or when to be quiet.
Anyway on the plan they have his primary disability being TBI which causes developmental delays, impulsiveness, poor judgement, sensory issues, etc. He also has FAS which cause all of these same issues, and this is nowhere at all on this plan. The question is do I go along with leaving the plan as it is with TBI as the diagnosis, get it switched to FAS, or insist that both FAS/TBi be listed as the primary diagnosis?
He would be able to get the services he needs by just listing TBI and the school understands this diagnosis and is willing to work with it.
If I try to get it changed to FAS then I am working at trying to get them to work with an issues that certainly is not well understood and there are many school people who just will not deal with it at all, some of them do get it and are very good at dealing with it.
If I use both FAS/TBI then all of the possible issues are being covered. This seems to me to be the best fit and it may be useful in getting services for him down the road. The problem is that school feels that there is one primary diagnosis and everything else is secondary. Well, what did more harm to the kid, the mom who consumed alcohol throughout the pregnancy or the dad who kicked the baby in the head with a steel-toed boot, at three months of age? In my opinion the damage that was done is equal and has life long ramification for the kid so they should both be primary diagnosis. Neither the FAS or the TBI are going to go away.
Have I completely confused anyone yet? My brain is working pretty hard trying to figure out what to do here.
The school came up with a plan for kindergarten for Paul and for the most part I agree with it, but I did not sign it because I wanted to take him to his ophthalmologist appointment first since I had some questions that I felt they could answer for me. The questions were answered. The bottom line is that Paul no longer has a vision issue which he did have due to his TBI. These issues in the past have qualified him for services from a low vision teacher. He no longer needs her which is absolutely wonderful, however many of the things that we have been using in this area work very well in dealing with his other issues.
You might think that he is visually impaired because when he watches TV he stands right there in front of it. This is not because he can not see it from a distance it is because he needs to zone in and keep everything else out of the way in order to pay attention on what he is doing.
You may also think that he has a hearing problem, which he does not, it is just that his brain is not able to tell him how or when to be quiet.
Anyway on the plan they have his primary disability being TBI which causes developmental delays, impulsiveness, poor judgement, sensory issues, etc. He also has FAS which cause all of these same issues, and this is nowhere at all on this plan. The question is do I go along with leaving the plan as it is with TBI as the diagnosis, get it switched to FAS, or insist that both FAS/TBi be listed as the primary diagnosis?
He would be able to get the services he needs by just listing TBI and the school understands this diagnosis and is willing to work with it.
If I try to get it changed to FAS then I am working at trying to get them to work with an issues that certainly is not well understood and there are many school people who just will not deal with it at all, some of them do get it and are very good at dealing with it.
If I use both FAS/TBI then all of the possible issues are being covered. This seems to me to be the best fit and it may be useful in getting services for him down the road. The problem is that school feels that there is one primary diagnosis and everything else is secondary. Well, what did more harm to the kid, the mom who consumed alcohol throughout the pregnancy or the dad who kicked the baby in the head with a steel-toed boot, at three months of age? In my opinion the damage that was done is equal and has life long ramification for the kid so they should both be primary diagnosis. Neither the FAS or the TBI are going to go away.
Have I completely confused anyone yet? My brain is working pretty hard trying to figure out what to do here.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Bits Of What`s Up
Only two more days in this crazy, marathon of a month of running. It has been just that, totally crazy. I think we have gotten quite a bit done but since there is always something else to do we never really catch up. Looking at the schedule for next month things settle down considerably.
I have made 11 trips to the metro area, and one to Rochester this month. I know where all of the construction is happening along the way. Actually it is not to bad considering that it is April and road construction is always in full swing in Minnesota by now. I also have a mileage ledger that has to get turned in to the county that is staggering to say the least.
Paul went to the U of M today and his eyes are doing super, in fact so super that now I am going to have to go argue with the school to make some major changes in his IEP, sigh. All I need is just a little cooperation here, please.
Hanna told her dad that she has lied to us 100 times and she is not going to do it any more because she gets mixed up when she counts past 100. Never fear she still lies just fine. She also told us that she has NEVER stolen anything from school, her friends are putting all of that stuff in her backpack and jacket pockets. Nice friends she has. It that had happened once it might be believable but not almost every day.
Hanna`s class has 3 field trips scheduled for the next two days, yeah April 29th and 30th. She is not going on two of them. No one seems to see any problem with 3 of these things in 2 days. It must just be a crazy mom thing I have here.
Paul had gotten a small box of animal crackers for a snack on the way home today. When we got here he was so excited to give Dad something he had gotten for him, his empty animal crackers box. Dad has a treasure to recycle when the little guy gets to busy to notice.
I have made 11 trips to the metro area, and one to Rochester this month. I know where all of the construction is happening along the way. Actually it is not to bad considering that it is April and road construction is always in full swing in Minnesota by now. I also have a mileage ledger that has to get turned in to the county that is staggering to say the least.
Paul went to the U of M today and his eyes are doing super, in fact so super that now I am going to have to go argue with the school to make some major changes in his IEP, sigh. All I need is just a little cooperation here, please.
Hanna told her dad that she has lied to us 100 times and she is not going to do it any more because she gets mixed up when she counts past 100. Never fear she still lies just fine. She also told us that she has NEVER stolen anything from school, her friends are putting all of that stuff in her backpack and jacket pockets. Nice friends she has. It that had happened once it might be believable but not almost every day.
Hanna`s class has 3 field trips scheduled for the next two days, yeah April 29th and 30th. She is not going on two of them. No one seems to see any problem with 3 of these things in 2 days. It must just be a crazy mom thing I have here.
Paul had gotten a small box of animal crackers for a snack on the way home today. When we got here he was so excited to give Dad something he had gotten for him, his empty animal crackers box. Dad has a treasure to recycle when the little guy gets to busy to notice.
Monday, April 26, 2010
How Do You Make A Mess From Nothing?
I have just finished cleaning rooms (usually they do their own but I needed to go through the clothes and get rid of some that are trashed or to small). I have a young lady here, Hanna who has a room that is pretty much empty because her behavior has made it necessary to go that route.
She has climbed up to the top shelf in the closet and rolled almost all of the clothes into a very large ball and tied them together with knots. She will be taking this apart when she gets home. Her dresser is empty except for one pair of PJ`s which she tied to the knob.
I just do not know how someone can make such a mess out of nothing.
She has climbed up to the top shelf in the closet and rolled almost all of the clothes into a very large ball and tied them together with knots. She will be taking this apart when she gets home. Her dresser is empty except for one pair of PJ`s which she tied to the knob.
I just do not know how someone can make such a mess out of nothing.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Through Their Eyes
Another mom addressed the issue of what to call birth relatives and how do we include or exclude them in the lives of adopted kids.
1. Each kid is different and the situation of their lives is unique to that kid so the subject needs to be dealt with differently in each case.
2. No matter what you decide to do be consistent with it for that kid.
3. Be honest with the kid. This may be a really tough one since some of them have lived through some really really awful situations and being honest can hurt. If you are not honest and they eventually figure out that you were not then you will have another set of issues to deal with and this could have been avoided. The kid needs to know the positives that the birth family brought about as well. I find myself having to really do some searching to find positive things about some of these people but they are there if you look hard enough. Lauren has beautiful blonde hair, huge blue eyes and a body that most women could only wish for in their wildest dreams, her birth parents gave her those qualities and she knows that.
4. Think about where the kid is emotionally, intellectually, socially, and physically when talking to them about this. Only give them as much as they are asking for or are capable of handling. You can build on the information as they mature.
5. When they ask do not avoid the subject. If they are asking they want to know so talk to them about it. This is the one subject that Hanna ever wants to talk about with either her dad or I so we talk and talk and talk, hoping that at some point we will be able to get through her need to do this and become comfortable with herself and the situation she is living in now.
We have four adopted kids who all have different stories. We use there first names when talking about there families. We have only one kid (Allen) who has any contact with birth family. For him it has neither been a positive or negative, he just does not function at a level where he is able to be concerned about such things. For his birth family it has been a huge success in that they have us as a support and they clearly can see that this is where he belongs. It gives his birth mom a sense of peace so we continue the relationship for her. This is the only one that was a voluntary placement. For Lauren and Hanna, who can not have contact for safety reasons the fact that Allen does have it causes some issues. We are often reminding them why they can not have this sort of relationship. Lauren does understand the safety issue, but Hanna (who does remember) does not find anything that this family has done to be unsafe, she just can not accept the facts for what they are and if she had her way she would be living on the streets with them. She is not at a point where she is able to accept reality so for now this is difficult. We deal with this one step at a time.
Birth parents have and always will be a part of an adopted kid`s life as well as the lives of the adoptive family. There is just no getting around it, you do not have adopted kids without birth families. Make the situation as healthy as possible for the kids. It is not about you it is about the kids so keep thinking about how this looks through their eyes and do what is best for them.
1. Each kid is different and the situation of their lives is unique to that kid so the subject needs to be dealt with differently in each case.
2. No matter what you decide to do be consistent with it for that kid.
3. Be honest with the kid. This may be a really tough one since some of them have lived through some really really awful situations and being honest can hurt. If you are not honest and they eventually figure out that you were not then you will have another set of issues to deal with and this could have been avoided. The kid needs to know the positives that the birth family brought about as well. I find myself having to really do some searching to find positive things about some of these people but they are there if you look hard enough. Lauren has beautiful blonde hair, huge blue eyes and a body that most women could only wish for in their wildest dreams, her birth parents gave her those qualities and she knows that.
4. Think about where the kid is emotionally, intellectually, socially, and physically when talking to them about this. Only give them as much as they are asking for or are capable of handling. You can build on the information as they mature.
5. When they ask do not avoid the subject. If they are asking they want to know so talk to them about it. This is the one subject that Hanna ever wants to talk about with either her dad or I so we talk and talk and talk, hoping that at some point we will be able to get through her need to do this and become comfortable with herself and the situation she is living in now.
We have four adopted kids who all have different stories. We use there first names when talking about there families. We have only one kid (Allen) who has any contact with birth family. For him it has neither been a positive or negative, he just does not function at a level where he is able to be concerned about such things. For his birth family it has been a huge success in that they have us as a support and they clearly can see that this is where he belongs. It gives his birth mom a sense of peace so we continue the relationship for her. This is the only one that was a voluntary placement. For Lauren and Hanna, who can not have contact for safety reasons the fact that Allen does have it causes some issues. We are often reminding them why they can not have this sort of relationship. Lauren does understand the safety issue, but Hanna (who does remember) does not find anything that this family has done to be unsafe, she just can not accept the facts for what they are and if she had her way she would be living on the streets with them. She is not at a point where she is able to accept reality so for now this is difficult. We deal with this one step at a time.
Birth parents have and always will be a part of an adopted kid`s life as well as the lives of the adoptive family. There is just no getting around it, you do not have adopted kids without birth families. Make the situation as healthy as possible for the kids. It is not about you it is about the kids so keep thinking about how this looks through their eyes and do what is best for them.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Ernie And Bert
Paul with his car obsession has to name all of our vehicles . We have the Mommy car (mini van), the Daddy car (pick up truck), ete. The big van, the one that we use when we travel with all of the troops is the Ernie car and the trailer that we pull behind it to haul wheelchairs and all of the other stuff we might need is the Bert car.
According to Paul the Ernie car is a hooker car because it has a trailer hitch on it and the Bert car is a hooking car. Well this morning the "Ernie car is hooking all the way to Rene`s school".
Translation is that the Ernie car (the big van) in loaded with Rene`s stuff and the Bert car (the trailer) is hooked up behind it full of stuff as well. Rene` is moving out of the dorm and into her own apartment. I would say that I guess it is time for her to do that. She had her own room as a teenager, went into the Navy so she lived on a ship and in barracks, then moved home to share a room with one of her sisters, and then went to college and has been living in the dorm. She now got an apartment. Rene` does everything is order, one step at a time.
The Ernie car will be hooking with his friend Bert this weekend. No need to try and explain to Paul that he should find some different words to use here
According to Paul the Ernie car is a hooker car because it has a trailer hitch on it and the Bert car is a hooking car. Well this morning the "Ernie car is hooking all the way to Rene`s school".
Translation is that the Ernie car (the big van) in loaded with Rene`s stuff and the Bert car (the trailer) is hooked up behind it full of stuff as well. Rene` is moving out of the dorm and into her own apartment. I would say that I guess it is time for her to do that. She had her own room as a teenager, went into the Navy so she lived on a ship and in barracks, then moved home to share a room with one of her sisters, and then went to college and has been living in the dorm. She now got an apartment. Rene` does everything is order, one step at a time.
The Ernie car will be hooking with his friend Bert this weekend. No need to try and explain to Paul that he should find some different words to use here
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Hanna Being Hanna
This afternoon we had the third in a series of meetings to try and get some sort of services in place for Hanna. Dad and I were up against a very thick wall and it is going to take some heavy duty dynamite to get it moved.
Of course they had to ask Hanna for her totally worthless opinion. I am positive that she does not have a clue as to what we are talking about here.
SW, "Hanna what do you think that you might need help with"?
Hanna, " I don`t need any help cuz I can take care of myself".
SW, What kinds of things do your mom and dad help you with"?
Hanna, " They don`t help me with anything, they just have rules and make me stay in my room all night".
SW, Do you take a shower and get dressed by yourself"?
Hanna, "I don`t need showers and I can get dressed fine".
SW, "What do you cook for yourself or eat"?
Hanna, "I eat McDonald's".
SW, Where do you get money for that"?
Hanna, "I just take it".
This conversation went on and on and on. According to Hanna we are holding her hostage, making her follow rules that she does not need, and she does not want anyone to be there to keep her on task, dressed appropriately, safe, fed, housed, take her places, get her medical care, etc, etc. Her dad and I sat there and listened to this entire thing and then SW had the question of the day, the same one she had asked Paul when she was here previously.
SW, "Where did they come up with such a beautiful girl like you".
Dad gave to same answer he had given when she asked that question about Paul.
You get a pregnant chic, let her drink lots and lots of alcohol, and abuse the kid". That is a pretty sarcastic answer but it is entirely the truth as well.
Yes Hanna is beautiful, but behind all of what she presents to the world there is a little girl who has a great many issues and needs. It would be nice if they could just keep her out of the process here so we can get to what really needs to be done. Hanna was just being her very off the wall self today and if you would stick around here long enough you might have gotten to see her in action, because she is having one heck of a hissy fit right now. She does not want to get her hair cut. I guess I will take Paul and leave her here to do her thing. She will just have to look a bit shaggy for a few more days. Oh well Mom and Dad do not take care of her anyway at least that is the impression she tried to give.
Of course they had to ask Hanna for her totally worthless opinion. I am positive that she does not have a clue as to what we are talking about here.
SW, "Hanna what do you think that you might need help with"?
Hanna, " I don`t need any help cuz I can take care of myself".
SW, What kinds of things do your mom and dad help you with"?
Hanna, " They don`t help me with anything, they just have rules and make me stay in my room all night".
SW, Do you take a shower and get dressed by yourself"?
Hanna, "I don`t need showers and I can get dressed fine".
SW, "What do you cook for yourself or eat"?
Hanna, "I eat McDonald's".
SW, Where do you get money for that"?
Hanna, "I just take it".
This conversation went on and on and on. According to Hanna we are holding her hostage, making her follow rules that she does not need, and she does not want anyone to be there to keep her on task, dressed appropriately, safe, fed, housed, take her places, get her medical care, etc, etc. Her dad and I sat there and listened to this entire thing and then SW had the question of the day, the same one she had asked Paul when she was here previously.
SW, "Where did they come up with such a beautiful girl like you".
Dad gave to same answer he had given when she asked that question about Paul.
You get a pregnant chic, let her drink lots and lots of alcohol, and abuse the kid". That is a pretty sarcastic answer but it is entirely the truth as well.
Yes Hanna is beautiful, but behind all of what she presents to the world there is a little girl who has a great many issues and needs. It would be nice if they could just keep her out of the process here so we can get to what really needs to be done. Hanna was just being her very off the wall self today and if you would stick around here long enough you might have gotten to see her in action, because she is having one heck of a hissy fit right now. She does not want to get her hair cut. I guess I will take Paul and leave her here to do her thing. She will just have to look a bit shaggy for a few more days. Oh well Mom and Dad do not take care of her anyway at least that is the impression she tried to give.
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