She Waited For So Long...

 She got the hair done...

 she got the nails done...

and then she got to wear the dress!  They danced, went bowling, played games, and won prizes. Lauren was up at 7:30 this morning with a smile on her face, now that is not typical teenage behavior after being out until 4:00 am. Prom 2012 was a success all around.

When I spoke with this young man`s mom at midnight she was still worrying about how late they were going to be out. I told her the PCA could handle this and I was going to bed. I suggested she do the same since she needed to be at work at 6:00 am this morning. I do remember the first time we had a kid going to Prom. We stayed up all night, too.

Papers, Kids, And The Weather

I am doing paperwork today, only because I cannot put off paying the bills any longer. I have organized about 3 months worth medical and school reports, PCA assessments, legal stuff for conservator/guardianships, and payroll info. It is now neatly piled on the corner of the desk ready to go into the kids binders. Once that is done this office will actually look presentable.

Paul is on a field trip today. It includes a little more then an hour of bus riding, a theater production, pizza party, and going to the history center. It seems like an awful lot for first graders. They were pre-warned that he may not be able to handle all of this. He told me this morning that he is glued to Mrs. B. for the day and he will tell her if he needs to be a little crazy sometimes. Mrs. B. is generally very good with him, but this is completely out of his routine. There is a plan in place for him along with some other students who have special needs to return to school early if needed.  So far I have gotten no calls about that.

Hanna had to call me because she ditched her papers again. We are going to just let this slide for a few days to see if she can calm herself down. She is very upset that the older kids in her classroom are going to Prom this weekend. We will get her back on track and then, guess what, there will be graduation so she will be a mess about that too. Hanna, you will get your turn, lets hope that you will not sabotage it when the time comes.

I need to get something warm in the crock pot for dinner. It is cold and wet today. Lets hope the weatherman is a little off about tomorrows forecast of 48 degrees, bur, Lauren is going to freeze in her dress. She is going to have to wear a coat.

I had better file these papers and get out of here before they all come home.

Little Girls

Okay, they are not really little any more, but in our family Lauren and Hanna will always be the little girls. They are about as opposite as it gets.

Lauren is tall, has blonde hair, and light blue eyes. She is all about being a girl. This weekend is about her having fun. Karre has volunteered to take her to have her nails done. She has had every PCA, school paras, her sisters, and friends paint them whenever she gets a chance, but this is entirely new and she has let everyone know how excited she is about that. Karre is also taking her to get her hair done Saturday morning before the Prom. She gets to dress up, wear real dress shoes, earrings, bracelets, and carry a purse too. She is one happy little girl these days.

Hanna is short, has dark hair, and eyes and wants nothing to do with this girl stuff. Maybe the girl stuff would be a little bit okay with her if she were older and was getting to go to the Prom too. I am not even sure if it would be okay then because she does not like to dress up at all and she does not like to be at events where there are lots of people. It is just that she sees other kids happy and she can`t handle that. She is in sabotage mode now, not at all liking that her sister is doing something that she will not get to do. Her attitude has been pretty awful the last few days.  She has threatened to destroy Lauren`s stuff. She informed me this morning that she is not talking to me, but she sure is yelling at me.  Explaining to her that she will get a chance to do the same things Lauren is doing now when she gets older is getting no where. She doesn`t really understand what later means and when she wants something she wants it right now. That is so 2 year old, but that is where she is at socially.

I think we are going to have to get Hanna out of here, at least for a few hours this weekend or we will have a little girl fiasco to deal with.

The Cute Mom

Saturday when it was raining I was heading out the door to pick out a new refrigerator to replace the side-by-side, no room for anything, been annoying me for 15 years model that we have in our kitchen. Paul begged and pleaded to go with me. Finally I gave in, helped him get his shoes on and out the door we went.

When we got to the appliance store he was bouncing, sort of skipping, and clapping, and he very loudly hollers "mom you are the cutest mom ever, ever, ever, you bringed me to the bestest store".

The sales lady sort of chuckles and asks him what he and his cute mom are shopping for. He says "the biggerest fridge in the whole world cuz we got lots of stuffs".

Well, we didn`t get the biggest one on the market, but we did get one that should fit our needs much better. Today the fridge from our kitchen is going over to Karre`s house because she wants more freezer room and she is okay with the smaller fridge section. The fridge from her house is going in our basement because we always have more stuff then one fridge can hold, and the old one that is down there now is coming out of there to be sold. 

That means there is a lot of cleaning out and rearranging for this cute mom to get done this morning.

How Do You Do That?

The other day while having a conversation about the usual, Hanna, I was asked "how did you guys parent this kid without support"? It was not pretty, in fact for nearly 3 years every single day, it seemed was a battle. Mom and Dad were trying to keep things consistent, realistic, creating boundaries, and trying to keep everyone safe. The people who were supposed to be helping us to do this were being manipulated, ripped off, lied to, conned, and used. The kid was totally out of control, getting to do whatever she wanted to do, regressing significantly, attempting to destroy our family, and mainly in full blown RAD mode all the time.

During that time it felt as if no matter what we did or how we did it it was not going to work and it wasn`t because as soon as she left the house the kid was free to undo whatever had been done. We banged our heads on so many brick walls and maneuvered our way through so many obstacle courses it was ridiculous. This is when families give up on these kids because they are neither getting anywhere with the kid or the establishment. The parents are seen as the problem and you know there is only so much of that a person can take before they really do become what they are perceived to be, the problem. This is when moms and dads begin to disagree, when siblings get hurt (both physically and emotionally), this is when you go to bed exhausted, yet you can`t sleep because your brain is rethinking the events of yesterday while trying to figure out what to do about tomorrow. Living like this is just plain awful and I never want to go there again!!

Now we have the school, including teachers, paras, and social worker working with us. We have PCAs who are well trained and consistent. We have older siblings in agreement with Mom and Dad. We have a Grandma who gets it. We have friends who really do understand. We have a team that works together. There are times when the kid still tries to manipulate, lie, etc, but most of the time she gets caught and is held responsible for her behavior. There are times when the best plans do not work. There are times when we run out of ideas. The behaviors will never go away. The kid will always have an attachment disorder, but with a team working together we do have consistent boundaries, simple expectations, and a lot less behavior craziness.

Of course not everyone is on board. We just keep working on that. Of course there is a need for more PCA/respite staff (since this is a 24/7 job). They are out there somewhere and we will find them, too. Being seen as a part of the solution rather then the crazy mom makes my life doable. This is still very hard work, but it can be done if we all do it together. I don`t really know how we survived without our support system, but we did. We will still find ourselves frustrated at times in this journey, but as long as we communicate (that is a must), keep things simple and consistent, create appropriate boundaries and continue to care about the kid whatever happens will be okay. Even though the kid will not agree now, we can hope that she will some day  appreciate the stable community, friends, and family she has. It takes an incredible amount of effort from the entire team to provide that for her. I just keep reminding myself that she is worth it.

So, Hanna

Hanna came home with a paper that said "read Hunger Games". I asked her what that was all about. She said that her teacher was reading that to her and she was supposed to read it. Hanna has heard this and that and the other thing from kids at school and she likes to be part of the action so even when she has no idea what is going on she will do whatever she thinks the crowd is doing. She also has heard about the movie and she wants to see it.

I was pretty sure her teacher had more sense then to read that to her and I knew she was not able to read it herself. We have to stop to explain what is going on every paragraph or so when reading  Ramona books to her so The Hunger Games is clearly beyond her. As for her reading it herself, it is not going to happen because she can not read even the simplest material on her own. I emailed the teacher and about thirty seconds after I pushed the send button I got a call from her. No, she was NOT reading that book to Hanna and Hanna was not reading it either. They had read an article about it in their current events paper, that is as far as this subject matter will be covered.

When I told Hanna that I had talked to her teacher about this and I knew what was really going on she says "it mean I not go to the movie either".

Um---you got that right, kid.

Wild Start To The Day

It was a pretty wild morning trying to get Paul off to school, and just when we were getting him to calm down a bit the bus had to be ten minutes early. He was back in loud mode in about a half second so I am sure that is going to be a LOUD ride.

I have to take Hanna to the foot doc first thing this morning and then get her to school. The foot is looking fine and she is pretty much back to normal. After that I need to get payroll done and then get groceries. I have 2 freezers that I am trying to get completely empty so that I can clean them so stashing meals to bring out and finish up is not happening for another few days. I miss doing that so I am motivated to get this job done soon. Then I will have a cooking day and get things back on track.

After school I have to go to bowling to see what Miss Attitude will be up to. We have talked several times this week about being a team member so we will see if any of that sunk in.