I Am Trying To Understand

I an trying to understand, really I am, but sometimes I just do not get it. Why is it that the kid who tells me every single day that she wants to be like the other kids works sssssoooooo hard to do just the oposite?

Yesterday they had bowling and Hanna has the ability to do very well, but no way is she going to do what she is able to do. Instead she stands there looking up at the ceiling and plops the ball down, walks back to her seat, has to be told to throw to ball again, is told many times to pay attention to what she is doing and just does not give a rip at all so she does it all over again and again and again. Then she is pouting because both Allen and Lauren had higher scores then she did. Lets just say that if she would even half try she could beat both of them every single time. After the pouting did not fly she said that she was just letting H. win. I explained that they were bowling as a team against another team who was bowling at their town. (She did not get that concept at all) and she should be doing her best to help her team win. She was mumbling that she did not like her team and so she was not going to do it right.

There is a lock-in for 7th and 8th graders so last night I went through the rules explaining them at her level, having her sign the contract,and then signing it as well. I also scheduled a PCA to accompany her to the event. I know there will be adults there, since I have done that in the past, but there is absolutely no way for her to attend without direct supervision. I had her put the paperwork in her folder, in her backpack, in the closet. It took lots of prompts to get that done. This morning the folder with the lock-in paperwork and the check to pay for it have disappeared. Is this just her way of saying I know I can`t handle this? Is she going to tell her friends that Mom lost her stuff so she can`t go? Did she even want to go in the first place and if she did not then why not just say so?

Whatever it is that makes a person do their best, whatever that may be, and be okay with what they have achieved and who they are that is what we are working towards. It is so hard to understand the trauma this kid lives every day. There is always the hope that some day she will wake up accepting who she is and all that there is out there for her to be part of. The beginning was rough but is that reason enough to destroy what you have now? I am trying to understand, really I am!