Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Vacation Needed

Hanna was on a roll of craziness yesterday. She has pulled her hair out so that all across the back of her head there are very large bald spaces. Why she is doing this, no one knows. Medically speaking there is not much we can do about it unless we want to sedate her pretty much all of the time. That may sound like a pretty good idea a lot of the time, but she needs to be a kid so it is not going to happen. Anyway yesterday she started going off hitting me because some how she thinks that I didn`t make her brush her hair so it fell out. She thinks that taking a shower makes her hair fall out too. We tried to get it through her messed up brain that the rest of us take showers and our hair is not falling out,but she did not get it.

Oh, yeah and while I was at it I stashed to mess under her bed so that she could collect it along with all of the other junk she keeps under there.

There was no explaining to her that she had no idea what she was talking about and hitting me was not going to solve her problem either so it was off to her room for a scream, kick, throw things, fest.

We are gong on vacation sssoooooooon!! Everyone else here needs a break from this behavior.

We are not going to know if our dumb state is shutting down or not and we do not know if PCAs will be working or getting paid either. We are outta here either way. We will figure out how to deal with all of that mess after we have some crazy free time.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Half And Half

I realized this past weekend that Hanna has spent half of her life in chaos and half of it in stability. What does that mean for her?

You would think that the stable life she has here would balance out with the chaos and there would be a level of acceptable emotional and social behavior. We have not come anywhere close to such a balance.

She still trusts no one ever. She thinks that she has to be tough and take care of herself. In order to survive in her world one lies, cheats, steals, manipulates, and does whatever else it takes to get what one wants. She looks out for herself without giving a rip about how her actions and behaviors affect others. She does not accept affection from us. We can not even get her to look at us when we are talking to her. The clothes, toys, and others things we have given her she destroys. When we take her anywhere just to have fun she sabotages the outing.

She hurts herself because, well I am not sure why, but I suspect that is it because she thinks we will get rid of her or send her back to her other family, because she keeps telling us to do that. Neither one is going to happen and she has been repeatedly told that, but it comes back to trusting us enough to believe what we are telling her.

She does not consider her adopted family to be hers. If we all just fell of the face of the earth she would shrug and move on. She feels that no matter what happened in the past she belongs with her bio family. Yes, they are her family, and always will be, however she does not understand that when people are physically hurting one another that is not acceptable. She has no concept of her vulnerability.

I hope that some day the love, structure, routine, stability, concern, and acceptance we give her will allow her to want to be apart of the family because everyone needs one.

Sunday, June 26, 2011


We went to northern Minnesota to spend a couple of days with relatives. It was cold, windy, and wet, okay really cold, 49 degrees for the high and really windy, 35 to 45 miles per hour, so we got wet and really cold. It is the end of June and yes, it is usually warmer then that up here at this time of year. The white caps of the lake were huge and the ships out there were really swaying.

We had a really good time anyway. The moms and Rene` went to look at the shops in downtown Duluth and had a nice peaceful lunch at a place kids would say yuck to.

The dads walked to Wendy`s with the kids. When they left the hotel it was windy,but dry so they figured that letting the kids run the two blocks there would be a good thing. They had lunch and were getting ready to leave when it started pouring so they called us to come pick them up. They got to maintain order for about forty-five minutes, getting ice cream got them to sit down pretty well.

The sun came out long enough for a walk along the lake shore and of course a chance to throw a few rocks into the water. Nicole and Paul were going to keep throwing rocks until the lake got full. Rene` gave her cousin Alex a bit of ship education while we walked. We went on a train ride, swimming and made smores too.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Wait And See

Wait and see, that is pretty much what the letters we got in the mail yesterday regarding the, going- to- happen- Minnesota - shut- down. We are trying to digest how this is all going to affect our family. Our kids and their special needs make for and rather ridiculous situation of living where government is involved every single day of our lives and yes, there are many times I would like to do without that life style, yet reality is we can not live without them for the sake of the kids.

The wait and see really means, this is going to be a real mess.

We have 8 PCAs, five of them working full time right now.
We have 3 kids with medical procedures scheduled.
We have 1 kid who receives adoption assistance from this state.
We have 4 kids on medications for everything from seizures to ADHD which cost mega amounts of money.

Chaos makes me crazy!

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Assembly Line

Yesterday was cool (about 60 degrees) and rainy so it was a perfect day to do some assembly line cooking. I got 3 pans of lasagna, 2 pans tater tot hot dish, 20 pounds of meatballa, 10 pounds of taco meat,and a crockpot of pulled beef in the freezer.

The food is consumed in very large quantities during the summer time when school is out and I also have PCAs to feed everyday as well. There are usually ten to twelve people for both lunch and dinner. During the school year I don`t even make lunch since I am the only one here.

I don`t know when I will get another cool day to cook this summer so hopefully this will last for a few days.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Garbage Man

Allen is our garbage man and he takes his job seriously. He takes the trash and recycling out every day. In fact taking trash out is our way of getting him out the door and on the bus during the school year. Now that school is out he sits by the window and watches for the garbage man to show up on garbage day. He got Lauren and Paul to join him today.

When the garbage man showed up he had a little difficulty with our over flowing recycling bin and tipped it over sending cans and plastic bottles all over the place. That sent Allen running out the door to help the guy pick everything up. The garbage man was impressed with the help and thanked him with stickers.

And How Does That Make You Feel?

No matter what you do the kid is still stealing, (even with 2 adults sitting right there), lying, cheating, raging, and manipulating every single day.

She has been given every opportunity, a hundred times more of everything then all of the other kids, more time, money, services, therapy, attention, everything and it makes no difference at all. EVERYTHING we do revolves around her needs. Do we have staff to watch her so that we can have a picnic? Do we have someone to watch her while we go get groceries? Do we risk taking her with us for a swim if we have to drive for half an hour?

This whole thing stinks. A blogger who I read, has a kid who will be released from a hospitalization soon with no plan of action at all. These parents did not work their butts off to get her this placement and then get her back with nothing in place to help them parent her. They were looking for answers and help which they deserve to have.

That mom likely feels just like I do this morning, awful. It is the same old stuff day after day, year after year. It is the "we do not have any idea what to do with your kid, just deal with it yourself", routine.

And so the kid is raging because she was caught stealing food, again, uff da this mess makes me crazy.

Monday, June 6, 2011


Here they are, the H,I,J,K girls on graduation night. These are a wonderful group of girls who have grown up together.
Here is Karre with the proof that high school really is over.

We celebrated with lots of family, friends, and food. It was so nice to give Karre a whole weekend in the spotlight. She is a great kid and deserved the attention.

Karre was so excited because her siblings gave her the Hello Kitty balloon that she has wanted since she was about ten years old. She also got some Hello Kitty duct tape and of course cash, too.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Essential Or Not?

If you live in Minnesota you likely know that the government will shut down the end of June unless the knot heads (all of them) who are supposed to have come up with a budget do so before that time.

I had a conversation this morning that tells me that no one knows if PCA s will be considered essential workers or not. Well, for me they are essential especially since it is summertime and there are four kids running around here who have sufficient special needs and this mom can not deal with all of those needs alone for very long. I know Dad would pitch in, but he has a job, too. I also know that my PCAs would help out, but this is their job and they need this income as well. Several of them are counting on paying for tuition and books in a couple of months with their earnings from the summer months.

So lets just get this budget thing figured out now and avoid this shut down altogether. This is stress I do not need right now.

Like Every Other Day

"Can`t you just knock the nonsense off for one last day of school, and be normal"?

That is what karre screamed at Hanna this morning because as usual she HAS to be a pain about everything since she knows school is ending and yes, we are celebrating Karre`s graduation this weekend. She just can not behave for any of this.

She left her lunch box at school or on the bus yesterday so she was mad because she had to take the spare one this morning. You have a choice take this lunch box or skip lunch. Take your pick either one is fine with me, just stop screaming about it and move on.

She left her backpack on the floor in the dining room so Rene` picked it up. She had been told MANY times to put it away or lose it and guess what she decided to do, leave it on the floor. She figured if she screamed loud enough and long enough she would get it back, not happening here.

She missed the bus because she was screaming and throwing things and wiping snot all over the place. Rene` will take her to school when she gets her act together.

The last day of school is no different then all of the rest of them around here, loud, crazy, chaos, oh yeah!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

In A Baggie

Tomorrow will be the last day of the school year and lets just say that it will be just fine with me. Paul is ending kindergarten like of the rest of the kids do, celebrating everything and anything. He has been very over the top with the out of line behavior and certainly needs some calm down time soon.

Today they were taking a trip to the park so they were supposed to bring a bag lunch. Paul insisted that his teacher had told him to bring his lunch in a baggie, yeah the clear plastic bags that you put things in the freezer in. We tried to talk him into taking a brown paper bag, but he was having none of that. As Trevor and I were driving downtown to run an errand we saw his class hiking to the park. They were all carrying lunches in brown paper bags except Paul. He was letting everyone know what he was having for lunch.

It is the first Wednesday of the month so the tornado sirens will be going off soon,while the kindergarten kids are at the park where it is really, really loud, that will make my super hyper little guy even crazier.