It is nearly over, this month of November when awareness is being raised about adoption and Americans are giving thanks. These two seemingly unrelated subjects are actually very much related in our home.
The emotional, physical, and sexual abuse, the abandonment and chaos. all of the trauma our adopted children have experienced leads me to be thankful that I never experienced such things. I live closer to all of that trauma, through them, then anyone would ever want to live. It does not go away, it is there always, it is a part of who they are.
Raising children who TBIs, FASD, CP, and all of the other alphabet soup leads me to be thankful for all the successes in life, no matter how small they seem. The success of being able to zip a jacket after years of trying, the success of tying your own shoes, and the success of being able to spread peanut butter and jelly on your own toast are all things to be thankful for. Even the nonstop chatter all day every day, of a child who was never supposed to be able to speak, is a success, although there are times when it sure would be nice to have quiet for just a few minutes.
Raising a child who will not or maybe can not show love is even something to be thankful for. This idea may seem a bit out of line for most people, but this child has brought the rest of our family closer together then ever before. We need each other to get through the challenges that are brought about by attachment disorders. This child has taught all of us how precious a gift it is to be able to give and receive love.
The life we have as a family who has adopted children with special needs is very challenging, every single day. There are medical issues and crisis, and behavioral issues to deal with all of the time. There is the very broken "system" that is constantly throwing us for a loop with some new rule or to take something away. There is always the threat of allegations being brought against us because we have a child who manipulates, lies, and can make up a whopper of a tale when the opportunity arises.
The things I am now finding myself being thankful for are much different then they were before these children came into our lives. Material things are much less important to me now. Many of the material things that I once thought were so important have new been destroyed by our adopted children.
I am thankful for professionals who REALLY do understand and work very hard to provide the medical care, therapies, and educational services that these children deserve and need. They may not have all of the answers, but together we do the best that we can for them.
I am thankful for family and friends who support us in what we are doing.
I am thankful for my husband who can always find something positive about the situation even when things get very rough.
I am thankful for my adopted children who have taught me lessons in patience, understanding, determination, and love that I would have never had the opportunity to experience without them.
As this month comes to a close I am thankful for adoption. Sometimes, okay a lot of the time it is very challenging to parent these very hurt children, but without adoption I would not know how trauma really affects the children, because you can read about and study it but unless you live with it every day you REALLY have no idea what trauma is. These children have opened my eyes to a world of alcohol, drugs, violence, poverty, crime, and social injustice that I would have never known existed in this country of plenty. They give us much to be thankful for every day by being themselves.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Time Flies...
It has been a bit busy around here so I have not had time to blog so here is a brief glance at the past several days.
Saturday morning we went out for waffles for a fund raising event that Karre is taking part in. It went fine, except that Hanna was upset because she only got one and a half waffles (I had one and was full) and Jared got two. She was able to hold it together while at the event. She just sat there staring off into space, but once we got in the van the drama was on. She went on and on about this all day.
Later in the afternoon Karre was in the high school theatre production. she was the stage director. I asked her what her specific duties were and she told me that she just did everything. She had built sets, researched costumes and hair styles of the 1940s, fixed every ones hair for the show, and created sound affects. She also supervised the boys who were doing lights and sound. The kids put on a terrific show.
I went downstairs to find that someone had colored on the book shelf. Hanna claims that it was Paul, however it says "BFF" and there are stick figures in the drawing. I know that Paul is not able to draw this stuff and even if he could he is not at all interested in it. Hanna draws this same stuff everywhere, got caught again.
We celebrated Lauren`s seventeenth birthday with a movie and pizza on Sunday. She has grown up way to fast.
I had court (jury duty) for the past two days.
Paul does not have school today so I am trying to get a few things done here with his help. I will bake the pies that Jared made and put in the freezer. Jared will do most of the cooking tomorrow which I am very Thankful for. We will all be home plus one girl friend. Rene and Trevor are coming today just as soon as Trevor can get off work. The weather is not looking at all good for traveling so I hope they get here safely.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
Saturday morning we went out for waffles for a fund raising event that Karre is taking part in. It went fine, except that Hanna was upset because she only got one and a half waffles (I had one and was full) and Jared got two. She was able to hold it together while at the event. She just sat there staring off into space, but once we got in the van the drama was on. She went on and on about this all day.
Later in the afternoon Karre was in the high school theatre production. she was the stage director. I asked her what her specific duties were and she told me that she just did everything. She had built sets, researched costumes and hair styles of the 1940s, fixed every ones hair for the show, and created sound affects. She also supervised the boys who were doing lights and sound. The kids put on a terrific show.
I went downstairs to find that someone had colored on the book shelf. Hanna claims that it was Paul, however it says "BFF" and there are stick figures in the drawing. I know that Paul is not able to draw this stuff and even if he could he is not at all interested in it. Hanna draws this same stuff everywhere, got caught again.
We celebrated Lauren`s seventeenth birthday with a movie and pizza on Sunday. She has grown up way to fast.
I had court (jury duty) for the past two days.
Paul does not have school today so I am trying to get a few things done here with his help. I will bake the pies that Jared made and put in the freezer. Jared will do most of the cooking tomorrow which I am very Thankful for. We will all be home plus one girl friend. Rene and Trevor are coming today just as soon as Trevor can get off work. The weather is not looking at all good for traveling so I hope they get here safely.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
Friday, November 19, 2010
It Is Going To Be A Good Day
It is going to be a good day. I took the frustrations of the last couple of days out on the treadmill, which is not the choice workout machine for me, but Miss Hanna did a wonderful job of destroying the elliptical machine. The Dad and Jared looked the situation over and decided that we need a part and likely $$ for labor because they do not think it is something they can fix. Way to go Hanna!
I will deal with kid services again next week. I can not do anything else right now so it moves to the back corner of the desk to deal with later.
I connected with two physicians yesterday who have differing opinions of what to do with Lauren`s neurological issues so we are going to have to do further testing and then we are going to have to make some decisions from there. I would really rather not have to be making such choices, all of them seem pretty overwhelming right now.
All of that is set aside for the rest of the day because I am going to do some baking for a fund raiser that Karre is involved in and of course I will be sure to save a few good things for us to enjoy over the Thanksgiving holiday weekend. The chocolate, Carmel, butter, and sugar will all come together in total goodness.
I will deal with kid services again next week. I can not do anything else right now so it moves to the back corner of the desk to deal with later.
I connected with two physicians yesterday who have differing opinions of what to do with Lauren`s neurological issues so we are going to have to do further testing and then we are going to have to make some decisions from there. I would really rather not have to be making such choices, all of them seem pretty overwhelming right now.
All of that is set aside for the rest of the day because I am going to do some baking for a fund raiser that Karre is involved in and of course I will be sure to save a few good things for us to enjoy over the Thanksgiving holiday weekend. The chocolate, Carmel, butter, and sugar will all come together in total goodness.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
REALLY?
It has been a long week already taking the girls to the orthodontist, getting medical records, and trying to figure out what to do next with Lauren`s neurological issues, but then late yesterday afternoon I got a call that just made everything else I had been doing all week seem like the run of the mill stuff.
The call was not from the usual, I don`t get FASD, attachment disorders, vulnerable kids, and multiple disabilities, it was from someone else who has a lot more clout then that. "Do you REALLY need the services that you have and those you are waiting for"?
Well now what do you say to that? I just don`t know sometimes what to do next. First of all, all four of our adopted kids meet EVERY criteria they have, in fact they all have multiple disabilities that qualify them many times over for the same services. I was asked to give up services for them so that other people could get help and then they could get them later. NO WAY am I going to do that. We already have a kid who is severely disabled who is on a waiting list for services and I guess after this conversation that is not going to change any time soon. When we adopted these kids we were told that there would be services out there to meet there needs. That has not been the situation at all, in fact they are losing services all the time. We are paying for medical care that is no longer covered by their insurance, maintenance therapy that is no longer covered, and we have legal bills because of their disabilities. and even if you used all of our income that might cover the cost of meeting the needs of one of the four kids. Then what would we do to feed, clothes, and shelter all of us? We will have bills for the rest of our lives because we adopted them. I used to trust that when someone told me that things were going to happen they would, but I have been an adoptive mom of kids who have special needs, to long now to do that any more. I have been blown off by a system that does not work, one to many times to go there again.
Believe it or not we REALLY do need the services. We have two kids who will become adults in a year and then we will have a whole new world of crazy system to deal with. For now all I can do is celebrate one last year of them being kids and then I will REALLY have to get to work because they will still REALLY need services. There disabilities are not going to magically disappear.
The call was not from the usual, I don`t get FASD, attachment disorders, vulnerable kids, and multiple disabilities, it was from someone else who has a lot more clout then that. "Do you REALLY need the services that you have and those you are waiting for"?
Well now what do you say to that? I just don`t know sometimes what to do next. First of all, all four of our adopted kids meet EVERY criteria they have, in fact they all have multiple disabilities that qualify them many times over for the same services. I was asked to give up services for them so that other people could get help and then they could get them later. NO WAY am I going to do that. We already have a kid who is severely disabled who is on a waiting list for services and I guess after this conversation that is not going to change any time soon. When we adopted these kids we were told that there would be services out there to meet there needs. That has not been the situation at all, in fact they are losing services all the time. We are paying for medical care that is no longer covered by their insurance, maintenance therapy that is no longer covered, and we have legal bills because of their disabilities. and even if you used all of our income that might cover the cost of meeting the needs of one of the four kids. Then what would we do to feed, clothes, and shelter all of us? We will have bills for the rest of our lives because we adopted them. I used to trust that when someone told me that things were going to happen they would, but I have been an adoptive mom of kids who have special needs, to long now to do that any more. I have been blown off by a system that does not work, one to many times to go there again.
Believe it or not we REALLY do need the services. We have two kids who will become adults in a year and then we will have a whole new world of crazy system to deal with. For now all I can do is celebrate one last year of them being kids and then I will REALLY have to get to work because they will still REALLY need services. There disabilities are not going to magically disappear.
Monday, November 15, 2010
The Challenge
The smooth sailing has already come to an end once again. Remember last Friday was supposed to be one of the many routine surgery days that we have at least once every six months for Lauren, well it turned out to be anything but routine.
There has been regression in speech, academics, emotional behavior, balance, and ability to do everyday tasks that had been mastered long ago for Lauren. Since Dad, I, and the teacher are all seeing the same thing I had brought it to the attention of the pediatrician at her pre-op appointment. The pediatrician and the physical medicine physician were both quite concerned because people who have Traumatic Brain Injuries (TBI) like the one she has do not tend to regress unless there is some neurological issue causing problems.
Apparently the two physicians had spoken on the phone while we were driving to the appointment on Friday so when we got there her medical team was ready to have a quick discussion. It was decided that while she was sedated for her other procedure they would also do a CAT scan to see if they could figure out what is going on. There were several areas of concern so further testing will need to be completed. All of the things they are considering will make her medical care more involved.
I got the job of trying to get imaging from CAT scans and MRI`s from before she was adopted, at the time she was injured. This involves working with a major medical center thousands of miles away, going through a mountain of records, and of course dealing with the issue of an adopted child while doing it. Thankfully I have a computer and I can operate it effectively when needed. After talking to four different people I think I finally got in touch with the right one, the one who can actually do something and actually knew exactly what I was talking about. It was a challenge, but I got it done. Thankfully we did not have to go to court to get this done. The staff at the hospital we are working with now had told me that in the situation where the adoption record is sealed it is not uncommon to have to get the file opened to get this information.
Now my daughter who has survived a massive TBI and has reached goals no one though possible will have to deal with another medical issue. This baby was born normal, healthy, with parents who are very intelligent, just imagine the potential destroyed because someone was angry at a new born baby! As her mom it is a challenge every day to accept things the way they are and forget about what should have been.
There has been regression in speech, academics, emotional behavior, balance, and ability to do everyday tasks that had been mastered long ago for Lauren. Since Dad, I, and the teacher are all seeing the same thing I had brought it to the attention of the pediatrician at her pre-op appointment. The pediatrician and the physical medicine physician were both quite concerned because people who have Traumatic Brain Injuries (TBI) like the one she has do not tend to regress unless there is some neurological issue causing problems.
Apparently the two physicians had spoken on the phone while we were driving to the appointment on Friday so when we got there her medical team was ready to have a quick discussion. It was decided that while she was sedated for her other procedure they would also do a CAT scan to see if they could figure out what is going on. There were several areas of concern so further testing will need to be completed. All of the things they are considering will make her medical care more involved.
I got the job of trying to get imaging from CAT scans and MRI`s from before she was adopted, at the time she was injured. This involves working with a major medical center thousands of miles away, going through a mountain of records, and of course dealing with the issue of an adopted child while doing it. Thankfully I have a computer and I can operate it effectively when needed. After talking to four different people I think I finally got in touch with the right one, the one who can actually do something and actually knew exactly what I was talking about. It was a challenge, but I got it done. Thankfully we did not have to go to court to get this done. The staff at the hospital we are working with now had told me that in the situation where the adoption record is sealed it is not uncommon to have to get the file opened to get this information.
Now my daughter who has survived a massive TBI and has reached goals no one though possible will have to deal with another medical issue. This baby was born normal, healthy, with parents who are very intelligent, just imagine the potential destroyed because someone was angry at a new born baby! As her mom it is a challenge every day to accept things the way they are and forget about what should have been.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Gorgeous
This is the gorgeous scene we woke up to this morning. It is snowing and is not expected to quit until tomorrow. There will be plenty of work to do to get the driveway cleared out and all of the vehicles off the street for the snow emergency that will come later today. The electricity has been out twice this morning. All of the plans for today have been changed to staying home except the guys will have to go get the snow blower out of storage and drop Lauren off later. For right now we will enjoy the beauty of the snow. We will be tired of the white stuff soon enough.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Routine Day
Today will be routine as I have to take Lauren to Gillette for as they call it "surgery day". She has done this many, many times. It is an incredible medical procedure which helps to keep her spastic body from contracting. She knows the drill, yet like most big kids who have little kid abilities she protests. I can handle her protesting as it is very mild compared to many others who are dealing with this issue. The staff is great and since we are regulars we tend to get the same ones to work with her every time. They know what movies to bring and they dig through the Band-Aid collection to find purple ones for her. All I have to do is sign a mountain of paperwork and sit on my butt and wait for several hours before she is ready to go home.
The weather sounds like it could get a bit messy for the drive home though.
The weather sounds like it could get a bit messy for the drive home though.
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