Tuesday, March 15, 2011

No Quick Fixes

Since when is therapy, a new diet, behavior modification, more vitamins, more stuff, more love, or for that matter more or better of anything going to fix a person who has FASD and an attachment disorder. It just is not going to happen. That person is ALWAYS going to have FASD and an attachment disorder.

Yes, there is a time and a place for therapies of many kinds. They can and are helpful, but they do not take away the disability and they are not going to be the fix all.

Yes, eating in a healthy manner and taking the proper vitamins is helpful, but that is not going fix it either.

Yes, behavior modification does work to curb some behaviors, but it is not working at all with the two mentioned above.

As far as having more stuff, that is just craziness for a kid who is so wrapped up in having the stuff to hide the attachment issues behind. Stuff gives that person something to hide behind so they can ignore the issues they need to be dealing with.

Love, well this one makes me scream, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!! If this family did not love this kid, do you really think we would do everything we do for her and put up with all the crazy we put up every single day? We are not doing this just for fun here, ya know.

Yes, we do want and need help here, but every time we get a plan in place, figure it out and make it work for our family it gets thrown out the window and we have to start all over again. Why is it that when something is working we have to take it away? FASD and attachment issues need to be managed for ALL of a lifetime. It is not going to go away and there comes a time when things are at a point when you just have to say, stop all of this, we do not need any of this, we have very capable, well trained staff, we do not want any more therapists, skills workers, or any one else in our home,just leave things the way they are and we will manage just fine. Do not tell us what our kid needs or that we do not love her, because you have no idea what you are talking about. We have seven other kids who we seem to love just fine.

Yeah, I am just a bit stressed this morning because here we go again, round number to high to count in the arena of craziness raising this kid. I will get myself together shortly, I hope.


  1. I tried to call but you must be busy managing life. Sigh.

    I know this feeling well. Last week during Bean's psych appointment the psychiatrist told me that he needed 1:1 cognitive therapy for behavior modification because, and I quote, "this [referring to his behaviors] has been going on for a long time."

    Hello?! FASD= permanent BRAIN DAMAGE! Trauma can have a lasting impact on the brain, too! And the therapist friend you are recommending, no matter how competent they are with kids who have ADHD, does not understand FASD, attachment, adoption or trauma! I will no longer waste my time with resources that are not helpful to us. Been there, done that. Give me someone who understands the CAUSE, not just a grouping of the symptoms, and I'll jump on their couch in a nano-second.

    We do what we can to help our kids function but we are not "fixing" them. I try to hold on to hope that we can make things better... because I need that like I need oxygen, but when people who are being paid to help us do not understand the nature of what we are dealing with, it makes me crazy.

    Call if you want to talk.

  2. I've no idea what happened to rev you up over the top - take a minute and breathe.... your right in that "stuff" isn't going to fix our kids. I agree with there is no "fixing", what we as these kids parents have had to learn is that all we can do is help ease the hardest parts and teach our kids how to do with what they have. I often have to remind myself that with FASD - I can make an analogy of a person who was born missing a limb or vital part of their body. There really is no replacing that part that would be the same as an original, there are short term solutions through different areas, prosethetics to help with some areas, special diets or excersises that benefit what is remaining.... the list can go on. Unfortunately our kids are somehow going to have to figure out how to survive in today's world - missing some of their parts. They all have unique personalities and strengths/weaknesses. As to having all the people in your house telling you how to do it - that is one real reason we haven't signed up for county services. Even the people who spend a fair amount of time with our girls - don't really believe their disability, cuz all kids do that! ;0)
    peace Cyndi - hope today goes better