A teacher once said "she is the best thing to come along since sliced bread". Granted this was a rather old guy speaking here and my kids had no idea what he was talking about so an explanation was needed. If I were a teacher the kid he was speaking about would be the type of student I would want to have in the classroom too. She did her work to the best of her ability and on time, she was able to ask questions when she did not understand, she was respectful and responsible in the classroom. We have received many similar compliments about our kids over the years but with some of the kids I can not believe that they have earned such credit. This is most evident with our kids who happen to have FAS
Allen is the most stubborn, do things on my terms only person on earth.
Hanna, well she just has no rules, boundaries, morals, or anything of the sort. She lies, steals, cheats, hurts people both physically and with her words, she is not able to follow directions, stay on task unless she is obsessing on something, lets just say she has no people skills.
Paul although really, really sweet, cuddly, and adorable is chattering nonstop, very hyper, and even when he is being nice and helpful is so full of energy that he does not even know when he is hurting you.
What is really going on here? Do these kids some how turn off these behaviors during the school day and save all of them for us at home? If they are able to behave so well at school then I sure wish someone would fill me in so the same could happen here as well. I would enjoy the latest and greatest thing on the planet, calm, quiet, order, chaos, free, life.
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I read somewhere that in part their acting out at home the most - because that is where they are most at risk for caring for others, letting people into their hearts is life-threatening to some of these kids. With attachment disorders it is the primary caretakers that are the most threatening to their overall need for control, the button pushing etc... in attempts to make sure we are strong enough to keep them safe, not just from the world but from themselves as well. They don't always know they are doing it or necessarily why, it is a deeply buried emotion. Although our kids have their moments at school where they act like they do at home - it is typically either with new people or people they know are keeping their eyes on them. This sounds all so very insane, but it does make sense in a wired different sort of way. Can't be logical with illogical behaviors. For years the girls would simply tell us they do certain things "because their body told them to" subconsiously that's probably accurate. With middle school, behaviors got better because they constantly had to move. They couldn't get comfortable with one teacher in one classroom long enough to take over. They didn't have the same para's in each mainstream class. So there were lots of eyes watching them not just one person they could control. They manipulated small groups, but did better within the larger groups, opposite of most special education programming. The teachers/staff that could control their personal emotions did the best with the girls - the ones that are alittle "cold" to special kids. They simply weren't affected then by the girls button pushing. Parents are easy to push - we have emotional investment in them, and they know they will get some kind of reaction and attention at home. When I can be in the mood to let their behaviors slide off my back, they stop or at least slow down because I'm not playing the game. I'm working really hard but fail daily in this aspect, but when I do, it takes the wind right out of their sails.
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