The Stuff Factor

It is a control thing, a you can`t make me thing, I can do whatever I want to thing, or a I`ll get you thing when kids who are raging, having meltdowns, tantrums (whatever you want to call it) destroy stuff.

Hanna has destroyed her toys, Her older sisters gave her their Barbie collections when they out grew them. There must have been fifty dolls there along with clothes, cars, and other stuff. She now has two Barbies who have no heads and one is missing an arm as well. They still have a few clothes but they never wear them. All of the children`s books are missing so many pages that it is difficult to follow the story. The puzzles have several pieces missing as well.

Hanna has destroyed her new room as well. She has kicked a hole in the wall and then she just keeps picking at it and it gets bigger and bigger every day. She is peeling the paint off the furniture. and has torn the drapes.

Hanna drills holes in her clothes, pulls the buttons off them and chews on them.

Hanna has destroyed many things that belong to others as well.

We have locked everything that we can up, She is not allowed in anyone`s room without someone watching her. She says that she does not care if she ruins her stuff or her room. She does not care if there is nothing to play with because it is not fun anyway. She doesn`t think
that she needs anybody to help her, she can take care of herself. This is a kid who needs help the determine what foot to put her shoes on (she does not care if they are on wrong). This is a kid that thinks that everyday of the week is Tuesday, This is a kid who is unable to shower herself. (She would never take a shower if she were on her own) She would not change her clothes or even bother to put on underclothes. They are things that she did not have and does not think she needs them.

I understand her need to vent given the chaos, neglect, and physical abuse from her past as well as her lack of poor judgement and impulse control caused by her FAS. We just have to figure out a way for her to do things in another way. Trying to keep us from caring for her and being "tuff girl" is not working for her or the rest of us for that matter. She can be a very sweet little girl at times so I see the potential there.

As far as the stuff goes she just is not getting her room fixed ( no matter how bad it looks), until she can calm down a lot. She is not getting new toys, books, games, etc either and there is no point to replacing them. The main problem with this is that she now seems to have nothing to do so she gets into more trouble and the cycle keeps on going. She keeps trying to hurt everyone around her but in reality she is only hurting herself and she can not figure it out. Try to explain the complex feelings a person like her has to a kid that thinks in a very concrete manner. It is like talking to the wall because that is about where your words are going. She does not understand what feelings are. so it does not bother her that she is hurting herself and she might be hurting others along the way as well. Feelings are abstract and she just does not understand these things at all.